No one grows up thinking that they won't be able to have children, do they? Small children play 'Mums and Dads' in the schoolyard, though after the age of 5, most boys would rather be caught dead than allow themselves to get dragged in to play the daddy, baby or family dog. A little while later, when told the facts of life, they put aside any thought of being a parent because the mechanics of actually producing a child sound scary and disgusting. Then, once we become sexually active, we spend anywhere between a minute and 2 decades doing everything possible to avoid pregnancy. No wonder that we are so shaken when we either cannot conceive or we lose a pregnancy. Miscarriage and infertility can be devastating to our picture of the future and to our identity as a woman, a man, a couple or a family.
Until we are forced to deal with these life issues, many people never give much thought to them. Why should they? There is no adequate preparation. We paint a lovely picture in our minds of the life we will have, and the majority of people include 1, 2 or... more children in that picture with varying degrees of yearning. Think of that crayon drawing a young child makes and hangs on the fridge: a mommy, daddy and themselves, perhaps with siblings, a happy yellow sun in the sky and a pet (real or hinted at) in there somewhere. Then think of that picture exploding into confetti and all those pretty dreams shattered. At least that was how I experienced it.
My roller-coaster ride through recurrent miscarriage and fertility treatment was scary, frustrating, isolating, painful, alternatively hopeful and hopeless, determined, grief-stricken, resentful, grateful, confusing, self-pitying, strong, shameful, weak, optimistic, indecisive, sexually inhibiting, obsessive, expensive, incredibly introspective and pointlessly guilt ridden. My husband experienced it somewhat differently, as you might expect. So, add relationship issues to the mix too. That being said, we are also one of the lucky couples who did manage to give birth to two healthy and gorgeous children in the end.
Having put several years between that time and the present, I have a passionate intention to use my training as life coach and as a volunteer for The Miscarriage Association, together with my personal experiences, to help others who have an unrequited yearning to parent a child of their own. I want to offer a "care package" of sorts; teaching people how to prioritize self-care, care for each other and accept caring from others in a way that will enable them to come out the other side as happily, healthily and whole as possible.
In order to do that, I need to find out what help was/is available to support people through this difficult time; what helped, how it was accessed, what they would recommend to others following in their path and how they view life coaching as a tool for focusing, establishing priorities, strategizing, jumping those emotional hurdles that crop up, making decisions and moving forward.
I have created a survey to aid my research. If you, and/or anyone you know who has directly or indirectly experienced miscarriage or infertility, female or male, are willing to participate in my Miscarriage and Fertility Support Survey, please click on the link below: It should take approximately 10 - 20 minutes. To show my appreciation, one person's name will be drawn to win a free 90-minute Discovery Session with me.
Click here to go to my survey:
If you have any difficulties accessing this survey or any other questions, please post a comment or email me at lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk .
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