Tonight, while checking out my Tweets about infertility, I came upon this link: HankJohnsonJr : Misconceptions About Conception: Conquering Infertility http://bit.ly/cExKa. I was intrigued by the oddity of this title when taken next to Hank Johnson Jr's photo, which is of an oiled, pumped up Florida bodybuilder. Once I realized that the blogpost wasn't Hank's, but belonged to a woman who is TTC (trying to conceive) I was interested to read further, as well as all the comments from other women TTC, because not only have I been through fertility treatment myself, as a fertility coach I am educating and supporting people who are trying to conceive. Included in that remit is helping them distinguish between "expert" advice that doesn't ring true and credible, easily authenticated advice that clearly shows both benefits and possible detriment. The problem is that when someone offers up a possible solution to their infertility, vulnerable people might just grasp at it, having tried everything else. Women like this 38-year old blogger don't have time to waste giving everything a trial run, especially if it might adversely affect her health and/or her chance to conceive.
To my knowledge, when taken in moderation, exercise is healthy for those TTC. It benefits you in so many ways: fitness, weight loss, resting blood pressure, blood circulation, cholestrol, stamina and endorphins that lower your stress and anxiety, replacing them with a more empowering positive attitude, hopefulness and control over your life.
I believe however, that extreme exercise,in frequency, difficulty and duration can lead to stress on the heart, loss of menstrual periods and too much weight loss. This goes with pretty much anything you do while TTC. According to my obgyn, a glass of red wine or a cup of coffee occasionally is not going to be harmful, but my daily 6-cup habit of Italian Roast, shared bottle of red wine every weekend and occasional whiskey (not to mention unpasteurized cheese, smoked and cured meats and shellfish) had to go if I wanted to give my fertility treatment every chance I could to bring me the baby I wanted so badly.
The questions to ask yourself are:
- How much of a chance do you want to give your efforts to have a baby?
- Is it the most important thing in your life right now?
- If so, how much credibility are you giving some advice that doesn't sound quite right to you (otherwise the blogger wouldn't have posted about it)?
- How big is your window of opportunity to conceive? Consider age first, then subtract the amount of time it might take you to recover from this detour.
On a somewhat different note, but relating back to the same blogpost, Ms TTC threw out the possiblity of getting some counseling. If I haven't actually said it here before, I am a fan, big-time, of that particular type of therapy, at one time even studying it myself. Regarding counseling for depression, low self-esteem, and/or hopelessness,guilt or shame over not being able to conceive, if you can find a counselor who devotes part of their practice to issues relating to infertility, that is certainly worth a shot. My instinct is that the focus might be on whether your feelings of failure, frustrated dreams and negativity pre-existed your infertility, and where it all started. This might be exactly what you need, to clear out the cobwebs and regain your confidence. It would hopefully reveal to you that medical conditions aren't really personal to you, so the question "Why me?" becomes "Why not me?"
Alongside counseling, look into coaching (I would say that, wouldn't I?), which takes you from where you are right now, having difficulty conceiving, to where you want to be: a parent. It isn't you who has caused your present problem; it is a function of your body, genetics, your reproductive health, etc... You have not failed. Once you have found acceptance of your condition and put that in its place, you are freed up to move on emotionally and practically, identifying obstacles and how to overcome them, strategizing, motivating yourself toward a positive outcome. Above all, it should confirm to you that infertility is just one flaw amongst all of your attributes; one that may be reversible, tweaked or cast aside in favor of alternatives. It does not define you.
For what it's worth, I lost 45 pounds before my IVF cycle, which failed. My husband and I decided not to do IVF a 2nd time, accepted that I would not get pregnant and tried to move on, as the lucky parents of an only child; our daughter who is nearly 10 years old. In essence, I relaxed and began to look into the future with gratitude and no expectation. Three months later, I found out that I was pregnant with my son, who is now approaching 6 years old.
I wish all of you, who share your journeys through infertility with me, the very best of luck with your TTC.
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