Fear another miscarriage? Eight ways that fertility coaching can help you heal and move forward

Do you fear that a previous miscarriage will be repeated in a subsequent pregnancy?  It would be entirely understandable if you do.  If it was your first pregnancy, it is likely that your doctor will give you statistics about how many first pregnancies end in miscarriage.  Assuming that you are otherwise healthy, your doctor may not even do any tests to investigate the cause of your miscarriage. While down-playing a miscarriage is meant to be reassuring, as in “it’s not a big deal,” most women don’t see it that way.  It is a big deal.

The age-old adage “time heals all wounds” is true to a large extent.  While you will never forget your miscarriage, in time, the feelings you have about it will dull.  It’s part of our survival instinct. If you grieve at the same deep level of pain for the rest of your life, as when you miscarried, you would lose the ability to function in some areas of your life; appreciation of other children you may have, joy in life and expression of other emotions. It’s a heavy burden to carry.

Instead of waiting to see what Time does for you; take a more proactive approach to healing. Assuming that you will want to conceive again, it is really important to take enough time between pregnancies to address your feelings and restore your confidence.  With a specialist fertility coach, you can face and work through many, if not all, of the feelings you have and help you move forward.  A miscarriage deals a double blow; causing you to feel both physical and emotional emptiness. 

Fertility coaching can help put your mind to rest, restore your confidence and regain hope for future pregnancies.  Below are eight ways that fertility coaching can help you heal more quickly and learn new coping skills to sustain you through difficult times:

1. Emotional release - While it may seem that you have done nothing but cry, or talk about your miscarriage, you may also feel you have to appear “okay” to others, so they won’t worry.  In your coaching session, you are relieved of that responsibility toward others.
2. Focused attention – Even in the hospital, once you have been checked over, you are left to cope with your miscarriage on your own.  Doctors rush off, nurses ask routine questions and scanning technicians go silent. Afterward, people may be curiously absent or quiet because they are afraid to upset you.  You can experience the uncomfortable feeling of being scrutinized and ignored at the same time.  In a coaching session, you can be open and feel secure.
3. Understanding – While it isn’t strictly necessary for a coach to have experienced the same as their clients in order to work with them, sharing the experience of miscarriage adds another dimension to the level of understanding a fertility coach will have of you.
4. Closure – Human beings are capable of compartmentalizing our memories, for lateral thinking and multi-tasking.  Eventually, you will need to put a top on this box so that you can start fresh and put your mind and heart into a new pregnancy.
5. Support - Whether you are processing your thoughts and feelings, healing, looking into your options or embarking on a new journey, you will need support.  It can come from several different sources; your partner, family, friends, doctor, coach, another woman who has miscarried, or a support group.  One of the most important skills you can learn from a coach is how to identify the different types of support you need and the person best placed to provide it.
6. Options – If you want to conceive and there’s no reason to believe you won’t, you may be offered medical, therapeutic and lifestyle options to help prevent another miscarriage.   It may be the most important step in the process, since making plans for the future show that you are ready to move forward.
   
7. De-stressing – The questions you have about your miscarriage, uncertainty about what to do next, having to make decisions and worrying about the consequences, all cause stress. Sorting out some of those questions and decisions with your coach will help you throw off that stress.  Treating yourself well (which I strongly advocate!) with relaxing therapies and healthy activities helps too.
8.  Forgiveness – Women are apt to assume that when they want to have a baby, it will happen; that they are in control of their reproductive health. However, what seems so uncomplicated at first can turn into a mystery if it doesn’t go according to plan. It’s one of those areas where we think we have the “equipment” so our bodies should be able to do the job required. After a miscarriage, you can feel like your body let you down.  By increasing your knowledge, you can forgive your body and put your faith back in it, to do the job as it was meant to be done.

Unlike in infertility, where the puzzle is why you can’t achieve conception, women who have miscarried have a two-step process to get to their goal of giving birth.  First, they need to achieve a healthy conception, after which they must maintain a healthy pregnancy all the way through to childbirth.  There may be hard work to do in the run-up to conception; identifying and overcoming sources of stress, boosting physical health by giving up smoking, alcohol or coffee, and achieving a healthy weight.  You will be able to succeed in many, if not all, of these challenges much more quickly and effectively with the guidance and support of a fertility coach. who will be there to remind you of your motivation and help keep your vision of your future family alive.