Do you think that celebrities have a different privacy threshhold than the rest of us when it comes to their fertility and family-building plans?
Several newspapers and magazines have commented on the actress Amanda Holden's decision to keep her pregnancy a secret until her 6th month. It had not been made public until this week that she and her husband suffered a miscarriage in 2010, therefore the reason for their secrecy about this new pregnancy. What annoyed me was the question posed by some of the news sources; "should she" have waited 6 months to release the news?" Why is there a "should" involved? Essentially, a pregnancy is a woman's private business and it is her decision if and when to tell other people outside her family. I don't think that being an actress makes one bit of difference to that. Even if Amanda and her husband had not had a previous miscarriage, her pregnancy is no one's business until they decide to make it public.
After a miscarriage, a woman may feel very tentative about a subsequent pregnancy. She may be watching and waiting for something similar to happen, until she has passed the time frame at which the previous pregnancy ended. This isn't necessarily about being positive or negative. She may be worried that if she is too hopeful or excited, she will "jinx" her new pregnancy. Of course, logically, we know that can't happen, it's an understandable fear.
So, when should you announce your pregnancy? Even without the fear of miscarriage, many women wait until the end of the 1st trimester. After about 13 weeks, many women will begin to show their baby bump and won't be able to get away with keeping the pregnancy a secret. However, the timing should be entirely up to you and your partner. It truly is your private matter and you can only go by how comfortable you feel with everyone else knowing about it. There are no rules; you are in the control seat on this one.
What you can do to embrace a pregnancy that comes after a miscarriage: take it one day at a time and celebrate each passing day by recognizing it as a triumph... anything from lighting a candle, marking the day off on your calendar with a smiley face, or putting £1 (or $1) into a piggy bank for the new baby. If you find yourself feeling particularly anxious on any given day, try some deep breathing exercises and visualize your healthy baby growing inside of you. Then, take that image and "grow" it until the baby is the size and appearance of how he or she will look at full-term and transfer the image of your newborn into your arms. Make sure that you then celebrate the success of your pregnancy as of that day with a positive and nurturing reward for yourself: fresh flowers, a bubble bath, time with a good friend or a healing therapy session or massage.
I believe that the only "should" involved when sharing this news is that one "should" do it exactly when the timing is right for them. There is no obligation to share the news with anyone before you're ready.
Posted by: Aramelle | January 22, 2011 at 06:45 PM
I think that we all should decide when it's right for us. have to tell you though my cousin's wife told the whole of facebook she was preg with the pic of the test after only 2 weeks! AAAh that's too soon!
Posted by: Heather | January 23, 2011 at 08:06 PM
Thank you for this. I am 6 weeks after a miscarriage 2 years ago. I can't get hopeful about this pregnancy, I am just too scared. Every day that passes is a triumph for me, it is agony! I love this advice.
**here for iclw**
Posted by: Rachael D | February 23, 2011 at 12:56 PM
I strongly believe that these will come up regularly and will last hopefully for the next decades.
Posted by: pregnancy quiz | July 27, 2011 at 10:41 AM