your great life

A Bonus for You as part of the Fertility Focus Telesummit

Welcome to Your Great Life, and especially today to those visiting from IComLeavWe.  I'm all set for presenting my session at the 2nd Fertility Focus Telesummit tomorrow. I have just listened to Sarah Holland, the founder and host of the Telesummit, present her introduction and it got me even more excited for the week's events.  As I shared with you in the blog above, I'm speaking to you on how "Creating an Effective Support Network Can Make All the Difference When Trying to Conceive."

In order to help you create the best support network to fulfil your unique needs, I have a Worksheet which is available FREE.  Email me at lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk (you can click through on the Email Icon to the right), quoting #FFTS2011 in the subject box and you will receive the worksheet by reply email.  Please feel free to include in your email any questions you have about my presentation at the Telesummit, or about fertility coaching.

If you haven't registered yet, you will want to do it right away. The presentations are live, each speaker will try to take questions and recordings are available for free for 24 hours after each presentation, or you can choose to upgrade to get all 17 audio files emailed to you after the Telesummit. 2,700 people have already signed up! Click here to register for the Fertility Focus Telesummit FREE.

Oh goodie!

These great businesses have contributed to our goodie bags for the Healthy Woman 2010 - Know More event tomorrow.

Diar Argan UK, run by Nacera Gomes, offers a wide range of products using Argan Oil from Morocco. Argan Oil contains high levels of vitamin E, nourishing, moisturising and improving your skin, including stretch marks, wrinkles and sunburn. Argan oil is also edible, and can be purchased as Sesame Argan Oil, Apricot Kernel Oil and Seasoning Argan Oil, the last of which helps regulate cholestrol levels. Nacera has kindly contributed sachets of Argan Oil to our goodie bags so that you can try it yourself and see what it can do for your skin.

  Contact Nacera Gomes - Diar Argan UK 07847 375471

 

And that's not all!

Ann Phillpot has provided us with Forever Living's aloe vera sachets to give to you. Aloe is not, as you may think, just for soothing sunburn. It comes as an aloe vera gel drink, in supplement form, in skincare products such as Aloe Vera Soap, Bath Gelee, Toothgel, Deodorant Stick, Aftershave Balm, Shampoo, Conditioner, Tanning Lotion, Massage Lotion, Toner, Serum, Moisturizing Cream and more.

Ann has a background in nursing, is a Reflexologist specialising in fertility and pregnancy, and also teaches Hypnobirthing.  She does this alongside her growing Health and Lifestyle business.

Ann has a vast and varied knowledge of health related issues and gets great satisfaction from helping individuals with their health challenges. She also loves helping people to take control of their lives by showing them how they can build a home-based business around their current commitments.  Contact Ann & John Phillpot 020 8386 0571 for more information.

A big thanks to Nacera Gomes and Ann Phillpot for participating.

How I Use Twitter; one year on

Family and friends don't understand why I use Twitter.  I guess that, compared to those people who know virtually nothing about Twitter, I know quite a lot. Even when I bubble over about it, they look at me with raised eyebrows and hunched shoulders of the unconverted. But, among my more savvy and/or geeky friends, I am the one who asks endless questions (thanks especially to @AbsolutePA and @gina_romero) and learns by doing, in an often painstakingly slow trial and error. 

If you have yet to discover Twitter firsthand, or have only made half-hearted attempts at it, this is how I use Twitter and these are some of the people I follow.  I started by searching subjects I found interesting and if I liked what someone said, I followed them.  Through visiting their Twitter pages, I made my next level of decisions ("unfollow" is a great tool) and found other people to follow. 

I don't follow everyone who follows me, and I don't expect everyone I follow to follow me back.  If you do follow each other, you can comment on each other's tweets, and send each other either public or direct messages in Twitter "conversations."  After a while, it seems like we know each other, but it's also good to remember that you only see what someone else wants you to see. Unless you're in it just for the numbers, following is based upon the value of what appears on your Twitter page; I value useful content and networking, but also amusement, attitude, valuable links, friendship, finding "lost" friends from 20 years ago, keeping in touch with busy friends and laughs.

If you know nothing about Twitter and have no one to follow, you could do worse than to sign up and follow my friend Jane Milton, a.k.a. @foodnetworking. As far as I know, Jane makes the best use of Twitter, to do research, set up appointments, publicize her food industry networking group, re-tweet for her friends and colleagues, keep is in touch with her very full life and career (jetting off to the Cayman Islands, sailing around the Isle of Wight or enjoying the best food London has to offer.).

I have 2 Twitter pages, one with the username @lisamarsh and another username @yourgreatlife. There is a reason for that.  @lisamarsh is more for me as a woman, a wife, a mother, a writer, a networker, a friend.  @yourgreatlife is, for the most part, used for my life as a fertility coach, fertility advocate, support group leader, infertility, my frequent Miscarriage Support and Fertility Support Tips (now 128 of each), news about women's health, reproductive health, fertility treatment, relationship stress, links and more.

There are some grey areas, when I tweet something personal on @yourgreatlife, or something relating to fertility on my @lisamarsh page.  When you add up the number of followers from my two accounts, it means I can send my original content, or re-tweet someone else's to about 1,000 people. I sometimes follow people on both of my Twitter accounts, for no other reason than that it helps not to have to switch back and forth when looking for their posts. There is no distinct line between them because they are both me and life has fuzzy edges like that. 

This morning this tweet made me smile:

retreatsforyou Morning world - and tweeters. This morning I am completely captivated by beauty and colour of a huge bowl of blueberries and raspberries. 

I love this quote, posted by Naomi Richards, @thekidscoach:

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.- Eleanor Roosevelt - fab quote! I "met" Naomi on Twitter and the unexpected bonus is that several months later, we met in person too.

This tweet caught my eye: PregnancyAssist Women Seek Holistic Approach to Fertility Over 40 http://bit.ly/bqYTRT  leading me to this press release: “I believe very strongly in an approach that includes the mind, body, and spirit. "Women facing fertility challenges need the support of a team that treats the whole person. Infertility is more than just a medical problem, it is an emotional and spiritual challenge that can exhaust even the strongest woman.” Oakland acupuncturist Maria Yung. She stated what I believe about infertility and the need for support and care, in as graceful a way as anyone could. 

Random tweets can take me where I didn't know I could go. After meeting Anne-Marie Mittelman, a virtual assistant in Hertfordshire, at an Athena Network meeting, I followed her on Twitter. This morning, she tweeted about an event she is attending this week. I asked for details and 45 minutes later, I had them:

 AVirtualAngel @lisamarsh Morning Lisa, the details [for the Inspired Entrepreneur event, Building a Successful Spare Time Business] are here: http://ow.ly/213Hk

This is one of my tweets from this morning. It wasn't sent out to any specific person; just to the Twitter-world.  I wonder if I will get an answer.

  lisamarsh Wd like advice on how 2 get rid of the fox visiting our garden + neighbors 4 past few wks. Last nite's bbq had 2 b moved inside. Kids scared 

Here's a great example of how Twitter helps us spread useful information to specific users, whether we follow each other or not:

 Original tweet: @Fertility_RMACT #Infertility, Sex and #Weight. Does it Get More Embarassing? http://hub.am/aZVNYJ2

I followed the link to Path to Fertility and Infertility, Sex and Weight:   

"Two uncomfortable subjects being discussed this week on this blog. Luckily, we have two wonderful experts to speak on the subject. Dr. Mark Leondires, Medical Director of Reproductive Medicine Associates of CT  and Carolyn Gundell, MS."

Not only am I interested in seeing what these 2 experts have to say, but I'm sure that some of my 735 or so followers of @yourgreatlife would be interested also. So, I re-tweeted the link, adding a few extra touches that will help people find it.

 My Re-Tweet: experts answer Q's RT @Fertility_RMACT #Infertility, Sex and #Weight. Does it Get More Embarassing? http://hub.am/aZVNYJ #fertility The hashtags will ensure that anyone searching for infertility, weight and/or fertility, will come across this tweet. (I didn't give sex a hashtag, because I doubt the Infertile community and those who work with fertility matters would search "sex" on its own. Also, #sex might lead to SPAM tweets coming to my page.)

Unexpectedly, Twitter also brings some quite special people into my life.  During National Infertility Awareness Week, @MiriamsHope tweeted a link to a video she produced for Resolve's (also see @StirrupQueen)  NIAW campaign "What IF?". I was blown away by Keiko Zoll's strength, creativity and vulnerability and contacted her.  We both mark that week as a transition within ourselves, from being one person wanting to raise some awareness of infertility, serve our individual needs and support others, to being a voice; stepping up to the challenge of being an advocate for fertility in a wider world.  If you haven't read Keiko's guest post, please do.  Now, we use Twitter to exchange information, support and develop a friendship, like these:

MiriamsHope Two bits of good news: formal offer going in first thing tomorrow morning & my m------- came back normal. #hallelujah

yourgreatlife @MiriamsHope That's as good a reason as any to feel celebratory. Wishing you all the best. L xxx

Finally, it's important to consider why someone would follow you. In an ideal world, all of your followers would be people who really want to know what you want to tweet about.  So, for instance, @lisamarsh would attract followers who think my perspective on family life is amusing or helpful, my opinions are interesting, we have similar interests in food, writing, days out, holiday cottages, best beaches, New Jersey, life in a London suburb and/or funny things my kids teach me.  Likewise, @yourgreatlife would attract followers who can benefit from my Support Tips, want to be alerted to my new blog posts, women who are trying to conceive, being treated for infertility, informed on all things fertility-related, or want to network with me. Not to mention, people who may want me to work with them...fertility clinics, peers in the field of fertility, women's magazines and clients.

I guess I'm pretty lucky that I haven't attracted too many spammers or completely inappropriate people who swear more than the very occasional "f---ing this and f---ing that."  I haven't indulged in the automated "add-followers" schemes. Even when I was intrigued enough by @DuncanBannatyne and his #duncansdream (was that it?), I still asked for followers who were interested in fertility matters. I think I gained 2 or 3 followers for that. I can't deny that I like when I log on and see I have gotten a few more followers, but I'm going for quality. (If you are already a follower, you ARE quality!)

I am by no means a Twitter expert, but I love it, I'm on it every day and yes, it has rewarded me with business contacts, news practically as it occurs, new acquaintances, a higher profile than I could achieve without it, a new friend or three, and more than a few laughs. I'm at a slight disadvantage, not having it on my phone, but as soon as I get an IPhone, I will be able to detach myself fom my PC and tweet, waiting for my children while they swim, tumble, trampoline, etc. Don't take my word for it. Try it. You'll like it. Why? Because it's fun and useful and you're worth it.

Today, I Would Like You to Meet a Person with Passion and Purpose: Keiko Zoll

I'm not writing today. I have started fulfilling my original intention to put the spotlight on other people; people with passion.  Keiko Zoll is the producer and star of her own film: What IF, A Portrait of Infertility. To find out more, please read her first guest blog at Your Great Life.

Infertility Meets Hypnotherapy, Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Chiropractic and Counselling for Healing

This evening I went to a get-together at the Clinic where I do my face-to-face coaching sessions.  Last time, I arrived at the Christmas dinner just in time to order coffee because I had a pre-existing support group meeting. As a result, I was the lonely latecomer at the end of the table, who had to start fresh chat with people who were full of food, drink and pleasantries.  Tonight was my chance to mingle and I was feeling celebratory. It was my first venture out without my crutches in nearly two months!

I'm really happy to have met ten+ people who offer healing therapies, including chiropractic care, massage therapies, acupuncturists, a counsellor, a chiropodist and a hypnotherapist.  Besides the social aspect of the evening, each of us was also looking at the other therapists as possible opportunites for cross-referring clients.  It's really important to know a lot about any therapist to whom you refer your clients.  My credibility requires me to have confidence that the other therapist can do the job.  So, for instance, if a client of mine who is trying to conceive but has lifestyle issues,  I might like to recommend that they try Chinese medicine and herbs, or hypnotherapy.  I need to know more about these therapists, so over the next month or two, I will be testing them out myself.

We have all agreed to give each other a session. I could really use some attention to my feet from Hema, which currently resemble a dusty stone sculpture of feet.  I would love to find out if Amanda's hypnotherapy can help me with my...uh, um...weight loss plan. I am going to line up a hot stone massage with Debi as soon as possible. Acupuncture has always terrified me: the needle phobic. However, there is nothing intimidating about Charlotte, so I may give it a go.  If it can chase away my migraines, I will recommend her to clients all over the area. It seems to be the first complementary therapy that infertility and TTC clients want to try.

I told everyone I would be happy to give them some fertility coaching and they laughed, as I expected.  I followed it with a "really and truly." Because, in fact there were women there who have not yet had children, those who were past childbearing years, but perhaps not past experiencing menopause issues. There were men and women there, who have children who will grow up to be teenagers one of these days and need to cope with their emerging fertility and sexuality.  Some might even have issues about their reproductive health that they think are deeply buried, but may emerge. When people start discussing fertility and realize the breadth of the years between onset of menstruation to onset of menopause, topics tend to come up and people pull me aside to whisper "do you cover ...?"

I am really excited about the clinics like Stanmore Chiropractic that are popping up all over the country. There is a spirit of cooperation and admiration for well-qualified colleagues, whether they deal in cognitive or physiological therapies. People seem to delight in learning what everyone else is doing and how it works. I certainly do.  Perhaps I delight in it all the more because I once, long ago, had a career in which I didn't look forward to going to work with enthusiasm.  I never fit until I found what I enjoy and am good at doing. 

I appreciate the complementary therapies for the choices they bring the consumer. There is more than one path toward healing.  Some of them might test my level of skepticism (none mentioned here), but if someone else is happy with them and provide the result, it's okay with me.  I also appreciate the current open-mindedness for bringing old techniques, used for hundreds of years, back into public view.  If something non-invasive or non-chemical can help cure or ease the pain of an ailment, that's fantastic.  I suggest that we all suspend our disbelief and try out a few of the complementary therapies as an alternative to something your are already using.  So, if period cramps plague you, instead of popping a pain killer, consider going for therapeutic massage. If your lower back aches every day and the chiropractor suggests you see a chiropodist, get a soft-tissue massage or join a yoga class, give one of them a try. 

If one of your therapists or doctors suggest another form of healing besides what they bring to the table, it's worth considering. Whatever you do, give it all the positivity that a true fan brings to a losing season of football, each time full of hope that they will win that game, on that day. Engage with the therapy and therapist, so that you are in a relaxed, open state of mind and can take in new learning.

Embracing Valentine's Day

Reconnecting, Remembering, Relief and Roses

Valentine's Day seems to be a love-hate thing. Lots of people mouth off about how commercial it is;  bringing to mind expensive, rip-off restaurant meals, cards, gifts and flowers.  There is that tacky side of it, for sure.  That's until they receive something gorgeous, unbearably cute or thoughtful from the man or woman of their dreams. However, even to its fans, Valentine's Day is acknowledged to be one of those dates on the calendar that has the potential to be deliriously happy, disappointing or disastrous.

I'm a fan-for-life of Valentine's Day. I have always received a card, if not a gift of something with hearts on, from my parents. This has now snowballed into cards from them to me and the children, from me to them, and from Honey and Pip to their grandparents. I even send them to two of my Aunts. We make sure to write Feb 14 on the back so that no one casually opens theirs a few days early. When I was growing up in NJ, it was common practice for all of us to bring tiny cards for each child in the class.  We had chocolate heart lollipops and sugar hearts on an elastic string necklace, with messages like "You're the one" or "Be mine" stamped on them . We wore them, biting the sweets off one by one, until the last candy heart was gone.

I can totally accept that Valentine's Day is sort of sicky-sweet nonsense to some people.  Let them eat MacDonald's and pretend not to search the post for a card. They can't spoil my fun.  I will serve my family dessert in heart-shaped bowls that rarely see the light of day. I have already bought 2 bags of heart-shaped chocolates wrapped in pink foil for the kids. I have a card for my husband, which he will open at the kitchen table while I make breakfast; I may even attempt heart-shaped pancakes. He will catch my eye in a silent exchange of understanding over the kids' heads. We have been through a lot since the Valentine's Day 13 years ago when he proposed.

What does Valentine's Day feel like to a couple sapped of the energy that fuels romance? I don't have to bring up the subject of infertility in every one of my blog posts, however, there's no doubt that it needs to be addressed in this one. Infertility doesn't stop at reproductive health; it has a knock-on effect on the health and richness of relationships. There's a naive sweetness to Valentine's Day, even to long-married couples. It's the memory of early dates, a first celebration, giddy romance and incongruous behaviour. Even the biggest, roughest bear of a guy can earn a wide-eyed, ear-to-ear grin from a woman with a card and a bunch of red roses (I prefer red tulips).  The most pragmatic, low-maintenance girl can put on her best jeans and some perfume, whether they are going out for pizza and beer or to the most intimate French bistro.

When that couple has spent the past year consumed with sadness, doctor's appointments, medical procedures, and dozens of pee-sticks? The innocence or passion of previous Valentine's Days won't be quite the same.  Miscarriage brutally squeezes the bubbly, excited-to-be-pregnant energy out of you and throws it back in your face. Infertility slowly drains you of hope and confidence, making you work hard to summon the motivation to keep going. I remember looking back at Valentine's Days of years before and wishing I could turn back the clocks.  We made an effort, we made reservations and we went right back to the complications of married life, work and infertility the following morning. Those are the Valentine's Day celebrations I don't remember.

So, will you pretend to ignore Valentine's Day or will you embrace it?  Thankfully, the decision is just between the two of you, as this is one holiday that doesn't include your families. Maybe you are just not able to enter that celebratory space this week, but you can spend a quiet Sunday reading the newspaper over a scrambled egg brunch in your pjs.  If you agree the level of your attention to it, you can step it up to involve cards, a bottle of wine and a rom-com.  If you say "what the heck, let's do it," go all the way. Dress up for each other, wash your hair and take out something that sparkles. Pop over to Barcelona for the weekend, or reserve a table at Galvin's, overlooking Hyde Park and let yourself go. It's healthy to take yourself out of the everyday mindset and experience an uncommon rush of emotion. It makes you feel alive again.

Why does it matter? Because the two of you matter. In my opinion, if you totally ignore Valentine's Day it's like ignoring the link between you; the reason you are together. There are times when it feels like you are two people driving down the motorway to the same destination, but in separate cars.  You want the promise of your early relationship to become a reality. You don't want that baby just for the sake of it. You want that baby to make a couple into a family.

Forget the appointments, the test results, what is coming up the following week, the decisions you have to make. Kiss like you mean it, and mean it.  Make love with the intention to arouse, delight and rock the house, with no regard to the time of day, or the day of your cycle. There's enough time in your year to be serious and goal-oriented. Take the weight off your shoulders for one day and only have eyes for each other.  I'm sending you vibes of that little fat Cupid with the bow and arrow. It's up to you whether to invite him in or shut the door. You know what I would do.

It's That Time of the Month Again

You got it, it's the 21st for a few more minutes and I'm welcoming you to this month's ICLW.  I want to thank all of you whose blogs I got to last month and who I will try to revisit this month.  It's mind-expanding and I love the fact that you are putting yourself forward, proud of what you write. I also want to commit to visiting and commenting for at least as many new bloggers.  I hope that you will comment here and let me know if anything I have shared has made a difference to you and in what way. Thanks again to Mel, the Stirrup-Queen and author of 'Navigating the Land of IF',for making it all happen.    Enjoy!

Someone I'd Like You To Know

For my last post on the last day of the year and the decade, I want to take an opportunity to use my blog to say a few things about someone I know and love.  It’s a very quiet New Year’s Eve in my home just north of London. I have a few child-friendly games and perhaps some fireworks to look forward to with my husband and children, but there’s a lull in activity right now.  I’m going to use it to toot someone’s horn; which is particularly appropriate as it is his birthday: Step up to the podium Gene Marsh, my father. 

My Dad, who is 74 years old today, is the most interesting and happy, retired person I know. Actually, “retired” sounds wrong, because he is busy all the time.  Since ending his second career in commercial real estate a dozen or so years ago, he has cultivated a life that is active, fulfilling, sociable and community-minded. Giving up paid employment meant gaining more days in the week to devote to improving himself and the world around him.  I am guessing that his level of activity is rather higher than most retirees, which is why 74 is no longer old in my mind.

Who is Gene Marsh?  He and my mother Lynda have been together for 55 years, married for 51 of them. He is Dad to me and my brothers, Larry and Jonathan.  He is a loving grandfather, (from afar unfortunately) to Elias, Sophie, Koa and Pip.  He is the eldest brother of three; Joel and George live in California. I think that if you asked family, friends and acquaintances alike, they would say that his most apparent trait is that he is always learning, eager to pass on his knowledge and generous with his time and attention.  Over the years, he has taken classes at Ramapo College and One Day University, finding himself a keener student in mid-life than when he was at the University of Bridgeport 50 years ago.  I’ll admit that there have been times when I didn’t appreciate the seemingly constant flow of information from him, but as my father well knows, when the child grows up, the parent seems somehow smarter.  I’m glad he persevered. Now the newspaper clippings that arrived by Post, come via hyperlink. Gene with old friends Harry Rutten & Erwin Frankel

In recounting Gene’s many pursuits, I don't have exact names and dates without calling "home" and asking, so I write as an observer rather than as a biographer.  Give me a break if I mix up my stories a bit.  For more than 30 years, Gene’s favourite pastime has been cycling. I don’t remember how much he cycled beforehand but, suddenly around 1978 he was a founding member of the Bicycle Touring Club of North Jersey.  Back then, as a 17 year-old, I was mortified by my father’s form-fitting woollen cycling outfit.  Since then, Lycra has become the ubiquitous cycling gear and his fitness at 70 outstripped many men of my age.  He is a past President of the now 1,300 member club, was a ride leader, bike safety and maintenance teacher, a lobbyist on behalf of bicycle lane and helmet laws, social event coordinator extraordinaire, newsletter editor and bicycle mechanic.  BTCNJ brought together his love of scenery, travel and fitness, new and different people and group membership together.  Gene did everything from ½ day rides up the Hudson River to 10-day bicycle trips in America and Europe. Last year, with great regret, Gene had to give up cycling, but I suspect that if the ban is lifted by his doctor, he will be back on his bike before you can blink.  Still, he has always had other interests.  He has been a member and patron, with my mother, of the Wyckoff YMCA, spending winter mornings there for yoga, swimming and weight-training and wishing for snow so he can cross-country ski or snowshoe. 

While BTCNJ is a volunteer, non-profit organization, he seemed to get back as much as he put in.  You can’t buy the rich experiences or relationships Gene has had through cycling.  However, it was just the start of several “volunteer” roles he has held.  His next step was to qualify as a Literacy Volunteer to teach adults to read.   Several years later, he moved on to teach English to Russian immigrants via Jewish Family Service.  These students, many of whom had been professionals in their native country, needed better English in order to attain admission to post-graduate studies, professional bodies and/or full employment in fields like engineering and dentistry, in the United States. He took a personal interest in his students’ lives, helping them get jobs, their children into special school programs and summer camp and acting as an all-round advisor.  We became accustomed to the heavily-accented voices of his students phoning him to talk things through, and exotic boxes of chocolate, halvah and Russian folk dolls being brought home at the holidays.  It was clear that he occupied a special place in their lives long after the tutoring was finished; some of those relationships lasting to the present.

Tutoring eventually gave way to house-building projects when Gene joined Habitat for Humanity.  I think the ethos of the organization appeals to him; it requires recipient families to donate hours to the project, doing whatever they can to earn a stake in their project. It’s a logical fit anyhow.  Gene likes architecture and what he didn’t learn from doing renovation for his own investment, he learned on the Habitat job. He’s always been the kind of father that points out comforting symmetry and likable eccentricity in buildings, quizzing me about columns, plinths, windows and lintels.  Gene’s commitment to Habitat has gotten him out of the house at 7:30 a.m. on Wednesday mornings for years to lead a crew, doing plaster-boarding I think.  Not even falling between one house’s upstairs floor joists, skinning his torso, losing his glasses and caught by his elbows, cooled his interest. His enthusiasm for the work they do has inspired friends to volunteer as well.  Maybe I will too, one day.  As a teenager, he introduced me to This Old House and later HGTV.  Indirectly, it was probably responsible for my purchase of an un-modernized, 150 year old cottage in England, unafraid of living through a complete renovation. I’m waiting for an opportunity to actually get my hands dirty.

What came next? Approximately five years ago, Gene joined two friends, Drs. Sam Cassell and David Roth, and others in a 5-year project of social activism that culminated last month in the opening of the Bergen Volunteer Medical Initiative, Inc.’s Healthcare Center in Hackensack, New Jersey. The BVMI will provide free medical care to Bergen County residents who fall into the crack between social services and being able to afford private health insurance. Initially thinking he would be useful to BVMI because of his knowledge of New Jersey commercial real estate and building practices, Gene‘s stint on the Board of Directors and position of Vice-Chairman of the Board, has encompassed everything from site inspection to personally fund-raising among his many friends, overseeing paint colours and then, actually putting up chair rails himself after the contractor had finished.  He even stepped in as the acting Chairman of the Board for a while this year while the incumbent was away, giving up much of his time to ensure that the opening would not be hit by delays. 

You know what I love the most about it all? When Gene was telling me all about the opening of the Healthcare Center and the festivities afterward, he told me that the response to the Center was unlike anything he had experienced before; the feedback, appreciation and support for the quality, scale and significance of the project was more than he could take in.  He had known why he wanted to be a part of BVMI from a political perspective and how he felt this was a contribution he could (therefore should) make to the community.  The significance of it to the people it will actually serve didn’t really hit home until its opening. My family visited the site while wires were still hanging.  I’m sorry we couldn’t be there with my children, to show them that individuals like their grandfather, can come together and bring an idea to life.  Now, Gene has the pleasure of taking back his free time and I wonder what is on the horizon.

I don’t mean to confine this to the highlights of his retirement, make him sound like a boring do-gooder and myself a hired Toastmaster. Gene is multidimensional, commendable for much, but also a person with self-awareness, striving to improve himself all the time.  We share our love of cooking and I have many newspaper clippings of recipes he has tried, tweaked and passed on. I now put my own spin on Genie’s Bean Salad, Coq au Vin and Beef Stew.  In fact, all three of us kids cook, so I hear about my brother’s recipes, cooking and parties through Dad, tinged with pride.  He is also the father who introduced me to camping, took me to work with him on days off from school, made a place for me near him at his basement workbench and passed on to me his appreciation of art, photography, classical music, foreign travel and all sorts of people. He and I have enough qualities in common that we have been known to butt heads. His mastery of sarcasm is one trait of which I wish I hadn’t been on the receiving end so many times, or acquired myself.  Nobody’s perfect.  Thankfully, he is also sensitive, humble and warm.  Now, it’s my children's turn to have bike-riding lessons from Papa, sing to his ukulele playing and toast marshmallows over a fire.  They get his and my Mom’s emails with links to You Tube, amazing photographs and silly jokes.  More importantly, he shows keen interest in who they are and who they will become.  I’m proud of him, his achievements and how he has lived his life and I’m happy to share some of him with you.

Happy birthday Dad.  Over in England, we are raising a toast to your great life.

All I Want for Christmas is You

Welcome All to December IComLeavWe.

It's been about a year since I started blogging, but it took me quite a while to get into the flow of writing, reading comments and replying (not enough, I see).  I now look forward to the times when I can clear my mind (and the house) of distractions and get down to it.  I also look forward to the week of the 21st each month to justify the amount of time I spend reading other people's blogs. Thanks to Mel for making IComLeavWe available to all of us.  I don't know how she does it. She must have an extra dozen hours in her month that we don't know about.

What I have learned from blogging and ICLW is:

• there are alot of talented writers out there,
• that a circle of bloggers with a similar reason for writing, e.g. infertility, can create change,
• bloggers reveal some very intimate details of their life, and other people's lives,sometimes forgetting where the line should be drawn,
• many people find greater support from virtual strangers than from those close to them,
• the support of those "strangers" is sincere and can turn them into true friends,
• it's a way to reach out to others, which in turn gives the writers a sense that they have contributed to someone else's life,
• there is room in the blogging world for all types of people, with unique perspectives and writing styles, and
• we are only as isolated as we allow ourselves to be.

My blog isn't necessarily the most entertaining read, but I hope it isn't too dry. I write to bring help to others that I wish I had had, to be mindful and appreciative of what I have in my life,for the love of writing and because it's fun.

I would really like to get a sense of how well I'm doing at giving you what you want from my blog, whether you are subscribers, ICLW'ers or those who just stumble upon it while searching. Stats only give us so much information. So, for my Christmas gift this year, I would be grateful if you would please:

1. Leave a comment telling me what you do or don't like about the Your Great Life blog, and
2. Pass on the link for my blog to a friend, relative or colleague who you think might want to read what I write, and
3. Continue to visit and revisit Your Great Life.

Thank you so much for visiting in 2009 and have a happy holiday,

Lisa

Don't Trash Susan Boyle - She Can Teach Us a Thing or Two

Pamela Madsen wrote "Why I Continue to Adore Susan Boyle" on her blog today.  She finds Susan inspirational, saying " Susan’s story is all about taking risks and putting yourself out there." I agree with Pamela. I like Susan Boyle too. She has a beautiful voice, raw talent, the background story, the advanced age for a new singing sensation and the look, like Paul Potts did in a previous Britain's Got Talent, of someone who has devoted very little thought or money to taking care of their personal appearance.
We all love a rags-to-riches story; the Ugly Ducklingfairy tale, the meteor-like rise of a "nobody" to a superstar in record time.  What I, and many others, don't like, is how a major discovery is inundated with the publicity and criticism from press and detractors (the anti-fan) and then trashed for being unable to cope with that much attention and pressure. It's like a pack of wolves waiting to pounce; on high alert for bad behaviour to breakdowns. Their excuse is that Susan knew what she was doing when she auditioned, so she is fair game. Really?  Just because she auditioned, doesn't make her prepared to have her entire life turned inside out, gaining a horrible nickname of "hairy angel" or having the media speculating daily about the state of her mental health. 

Susan Boyle may have courted attention as the antidote to a narrowly-lived life in a tiny village. It would bring that attention, accolades, money, makeovers and fame. However, Susan had no expectation of winning Britain's Got Talent. Like thousands of other applicants, she trotted out on stage, during the audition phase of the singing competition, for her 15-minutes of fame. That probably would have been enough for her: a big audience and a chance to be on television for a few minutes. She is a lumpy, middle-aged, plain woman with terrible clothes and a tendency to bark out inappropriate comments. Susan Boyle didn't have any concept of what life would be like for her a year down the line. It's almost like she is being paraded in front of the public like a savant, "look at the freak: we hate her, we love her, she's unattractive, she's had a makeover, she's changing, she's not "her" anymore," and the long-standing British favourite: "Who does she think she is?"  Well, you didn't like her old look either. Just look at the faces of the booing crowd at her first BGT audition and then the raised eyebrows and dropped jaws when she began to sing. She has scrubbed up rather well between that performance and the cover of her new CD.

Why does the media want to strip people bare and give others the opportunity to scrutinize their mistakes, flaws, shortcomings and fears? Why does the public encourage it by buying those papers and magazines? Is someone else's success so threatening? It's almost like someone giving you a hand as you climb up a mountain, celebrating when you reach the summit and then pushing you off. 

Pamela makes the point that Susan Boyle is inspirational for taking a risk and going for our dreams. Since Pamela is in the fertility field, as I am, she suggests using Susan as inspiration to step forward, i.e. consider using donor eggs, looking into adoption or another family-building process, or any other goal we have. That works.  Susan is living proof that you don't have to be beautiful, young or wealthy to make things happen.  Susan had self-belief.  You do, however, have to stand up and be counted. If your dream is crying out to be fulfilled, don't just talk about it or lament your lack of easy breaks.  Reach out and grab opportunities. Create opportunities. Don't give up. 

I also see other messages coming out loud and clear:  Use Susan's story as an example by which to ask yourself whether youjudge people too quickly, whether you give people a chance to show you what they have got, whether your support is sincere, whether you are happy for someone else's success or feel they need taking down a peg. The example of Susan Boyle isn't one that should be lost on us. It may seem old-fashioned to quote the old message "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So, I'll quote from another possibly misunderstood singer: Michael Jackson. 

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Just something to think about.  No one has to wait until the New Year to make resolutions to be more generous, encouraging, non-judgmental, accepting, supportive and kind.  I'd love to hear what you think about Pamela's blog post, this one or about Susan Boyle in general.