This morning's news brought a tragic story about a newborn baby found dead in a hotel in Hounslow, West London. Police have traced the mother; a 15-year old Canadian girl who had been visiting the UK on a school trip. She gave birth without anyone knowing that she was even pregnant, and returned home to Canada. Had anyone known, she surely would not have been allowed to travel to the UK at 40 weeks pregnant by her parents, the school or the airline. It isn't known yet whether the baby was born alive. I spoke to Jayson Mansaray, the presenter of the Lunch Show at hayes.fm radio, this morning about why a young woman would go to these lengths and how teens can access help if they think they may be pregnant.
It may be difficult to believe that a woman could go through 9 months of pregnancy without anyone knowing about it, but it does happen occasionally. Presumably, she knew that she was pregnant, but hid it well by gaining a small amount of weight, already being overweight when she conceived or wearing very loose clothing. The question is why she felt she needed to go through this alone. We can only speculate that she may have:
- feared the judgment of her parents, peers, teachers and neighbours for being sexually active and/or pregnant;
- not understood much about pregnancy and feared the changes in her body;
- worried that she would be excluded from school, a job, a sports team or a social group;
- been in complete denial that the pregnancy would result in the birth of a baby;
- feared the responsibility of having a baby; or
- feared the withdrawal of love and support from her parents or other family members.
It's understandable that a pregnant teen would feel scared, isolated, confused and overwhelmed. However, the danger associated with secrecy about the pregnancy is that she would not get the help she needs and which is available to her. The primary concern is for the pregnant teen's health and wellbeing. She needs to know, as quickly as possible, whether she is pregnant and how far into the pregnancy she is. Depending upon whether she decides to continue in the pregnancy or to terminate, she needs advice about how to proceed. She, or her partner, may also need emotional support and help with her decision-making. They can access help, confidentially, through helplines and walk-in, young people's, sexual health clinics.
Nationally, a great UK resource is the Ask Brook website. Young people, under the age of 25, can access information and advice regarding their sexuality, body image, sexual health, contraception, pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) and termination of pregnancy. Additionally, there is a free, confidential Ask Brook Helpline, which operates 9 am - 7 pm, Monday - Friday: 0808 802 1234, and a confidential text service: 07717 989 023, which charges a standard SMS rate. Both the website and the advisors on the helpline can provide information about all the services that are available to a young person in their own area.
Locally, KISS is the name for the NHS sexual health services for young people up to the age of 25 in and around Hounslow. For more information about where you can go to access free and confidential pregnancy testing, advice and other health services, go to: KISS Young People's Clinics – Sexual Health Hounslow. (You do not have to live in Hounslow to use this service.)
An unexpected pregnancy may seem very overwhelming, but if you are in that position, it's important that you know:
- There are no stupid questions;
- The sooner you ask those questions that you have, the more you will understand and the better equipped you will be;
- If you are pregnant, the earlier you know, the more choice you will have about how to handle it (prior to 24 weeks for abortion);
- You will get the right medical advice and treatment for yourself and/or the baby at the right time;
- Telling someone confidentially on the helpline or at a KISS centre may make it easier for you to tell an adult who is closer to you, like a parent;
- The help is there for you...you are not alone.
I don't get it. I don't understand why people do this, abandon a baby, when there are so many people who would love for the opportunity to foster or adopt such a child. People who have tried IVF treatments unsuccessfully or even people who just want to adopt to be there to help others in need. Why abandon?
Posted by: Rafi | June 01, 2011 at 07:24 AM