How would you feel, if on your very first visit to the doctor regarding IVF, you were given an information pack about adoption?
Last week, there was a news report that Tim Loughton, the UK government minister for children and families, announced an initiative to prime childless couples for adoption, rather than fertility treatment. Loughton is concerned that there are too many children in care and too few being placed with families. Only 70 babies were adopted in the UK last year. He has a point. Is it too obvious to state that it is preferable to give a child a stable, loving family environment than to have them grow up in orphanages or foster care? He has good intentions, and the need is present, however, I wonder whether you have thoughts about the method he intends to employ?
Loughton apparently wants to get to childless couples before they begin the medical process to attempt assisted conception. His reasoning is that "they are clearly committed to bringing up children." He may be right, but I think he's missing a step here. At that point, on their very first appointment, they are committed to having and bringing up their own children. I fear that his proposed leafletting might be damaging, both emotionally to the infertile couple and in having the counter-productive impact of sending potential parents running.
First, a couple that has just begun to wonder why it's taking so long to conceive is hardly going to think of themselves as childless...yet. They may just be coming around to the realization that they need medical help to have a child, and think that once it's sorted, they will go along their merry way and have the family they want.
Second, it's jumping the gun a bit to approach a couple about adoption, when they are just exploring how medical treatment can help them to have their own child. Children aren't commodities. It's not like going to the shops to place an order for a sold-out product, and being offered a returned item instead. I believe that with the vast majority of patients, the highest priority will be placed on having their own biological child at that point in the process. They will only be seeking guidance and approval on how to go about it. Some will find this type of information premature and disregard it; others may take comfort that it provides them with a Plan B, while still others may find it hurtful, intrusive or insulting.
Third, for many infertile people, the idea of being like "everyone else" and having a child who joins them as a couple and has recognizable, family traits is the ultimate choice. We are romantic beings, wanting to recognize in our babies a mother's eyes, a father's smile, a grandparent's colouring or a sibling's mannerism. With the advent of sperm and egg donation making the experience of pregnancy available to those who would otherwise have missed out, adoption is still seen by many as a last choice. There is not necessarily an immediate leap of consciousness from "why haven't I gotten pregnant this year?" to "let's adopt."
Mr. Loughton, finding out that you are infertile can be very difficult. If medical science can overcome infertility and give a couple what they want most, why shouldn't they go down that route? Additionally,a couple may need to go through a grieving process for the child they will not be able to bring into the world. They will not be receptive to your information packs until they have dealt with their grief. Sensitivity, time and coaching or counselling may be required to achieve acceptance of their situation and mental clarity about what IVF would entail in comparison to adoption. At present, adoption is not all that simple in the UK.
I suspect that the difficult adoption process is the reason why only 3,200 children a year are adopted. Some people won't even bother trying because they have heard how notoriously difficult, intrusive and judgmental the process can be. The upper age limit for potential adoptive parents ranges between the ages of 35 and 40. Ironic then, that it is being proposed as the preferable option to IVF when many of those seeking treatment will be women in precisely that age range, cutting their chances rather close. Because people are getting married older, and women's fertility goes into rapid decline from age 35, it is often not until this age that they will seek IVF as an option to help them conceive.
It should be pointed out that besides the current, upper-age limit on adoption, the NHS cuts off funded IVF treatment at age 40. We might conclude from this that the government position has been that women aged 40 and older should not become parents, but apparently that's more about cost-effectiveness of treatment for women who have few healthy eggs remaining because of their age. I wonder if cost plays a part in Loughton's new scheme, as diverting younger couples toward adoption would help both the NHS and Social Services reduce the stress on their budgets.
Adoption is a wonderful thing to do for an unwanted or parentless child and can create families where there would have been none. Thankfully, Tim Loughton wants to address the difficulty of adopting as well as shepherding would-be parents in that direction. He is quoted in The Sunday Times as saying that "the major consideration is [whether there is] a stable, loving environment to bring up a child [now] in care. There shouldn't be a hard and fast age limit or BMI (weight) index. We have older foster carers and we should consider older families to adopt." He proposes that the upper age limit be lifted.
Tim, I couldn't agree with you more. But, please don't shoot yourself in the foot by pouncing too early on infertile couples who dream of having their own child. I propose that:
- the restrictions on adoption in the UK be revised first, so that more people can adopt;
- Then, a public awareness campaign can reach out to those who previously thought adoption was out-of-reach for them.;
- Only then would I target couples seeking IVF, in the sense of offering them alternatives to explore;
- Perhaps a simple, non-judgemental leaflet and questionnaire sent after an initial medical consultation could encourage those who would consider adopting instead of going through IVF;
- Couples who are willing to explore the idea of adoption could be offered coaching to help them weigh the pros and cons of IVF v. adoption as they apploy to them specifically, find common ground with each other on their values and priorities and make a positive choice for one or the other.
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