your great life

Bake a cake in 5 minutes! Definitely dangerous.

You know those trending topics and articles that appear on your home screen when you go to read your (Yahoo) email? I generally ignore them, but today, being cold and a bit solitary, I was vulnerable to the idea that you could make a delicious chocolate cake in 5 minutes from start to finish. It sounds too good to be true, but the kids and I will definitely test the recipe this weekend.

 

 

                                          

< Not quite like this, as it's made in a coffee mug, in the microwave, one serving at a time. But still....

The problem is, do I really want to be able to produce a yummy-smelling, warm and gooey cake on demand? The Pro column is all about convenience... I always have these ingredients at home; I'll never be caught short when the kids tell me at the last minute that the school has sent home a request for bake sale goodies or party fare and late night cravings will be easily satisfied without going to the 24-hour supermarket in Watford.  The Cons; well they are slightly more compelling. I really shouldn't have 24/7 access to chocolate cake and neither should my kids. How will I convince them to choose fresh fruit on the basis that they need their 5-a-day and "anyway, we don't have any cake?"

I will report back, but just in case you don't have a Yahoo account, this is the recipe:

Ingredients

• 4 Tbsp plain flour
• 2 Tbsp cocoa powder
• 4 Tbsp caster (or granulated) sugar
• 1 egg
• 3 Tbsp milk
• 3 Tbsp sunflower oil
• chocolate chips
• vanilla extract

You will need one coffee mug and a microwave.

Directions

1. In a mug, combine flour, cocoa powder and sugar. Stir.
2. Add egg and stir until well-combined.
3. Mix in the milk and oil. Add chocolate chips and a splash of vanilla. Mix thoroughly.
4. Microwave for 3 minutes @ 1,000 watts.

Enjoy!

The "giving" part of Thanksgiving

It's that slightly bittersweet time of year for me; the holiday celebrations in America that began with Thanksgiving on Thursday this past week. I marked it in my heart, but as is often the case, I put the celebration aside. I live in England, with a British husband who has never really embraced my favourite holiday and children who have school that day, afternoon activities and homework due the following day. I comforted myself with phone calls to relatives in the States and a turkey breast for dinner that could be cooked at the last minute and eaten in front of the TV (we couldn't miss American X-Factor!) at 8 p.m. I made sure that there was some mention of gratitude; both the kind that you offer to others and the kind that you carry around in your heart. It was nice, but woefully inadequate compared to the big, warm, American celebrations that I remember, both with my own family and as a guest at a friend's home. Never mind. Maybe next year.

This year, I decided to do something for other people to mark the meaning behind Thanksgiving, which after all, was about giving thanks and sharing food with others in the community. Recently, a friend; Jane Milton, asked for volunteers to help out a charity called FareShare in their 1 Million Meal Appeal, which collects and redistributes surplus food within the UK. Their aim is to fight hunger and food waste in our society. Jane is perfectly positioned as an expert consultant to the food industry, to gather support and donations of fresh food from her professional contacts. However, this event was aimed at the public, asking for shoppers to purchase and donate longer-life items, such as tinned food, rice, pasta, coffee and tea, to be distributed to 35,000 people a day through 700 service organizations.

FareShare partnered with Sainsbury's to position volunteers in 600+ stores across the UK yesterday, to request and collect donations of food from people alongside their own grocery shopping. It was an interesting experience. I volunteered at my local store in Stanmore, where I'm an occasional shopper. I was positioned at one entrance, while an accountant named Bob was at the other. We were given everything we needed, including a large Volunteer sticker and a pile of leaflets and left to get on with it.

The "Ask" - I'm a friendly sort of person and don't find it difficult to approach people, but you have to be prepared for rejection of all sorts when asking for donations and you can't take it personally. (I must have spoken to at least 700 people in my 6-hour shift.) You also have to be careful not to make judgements about people based upon whether they donate; you can't really know what each person's circumstances are and can't spend their money for them. My approach was to ask if they would consider donating one food item to feed hungry people in the UK. I was careful to say "any donation, no matter how small, would be appreciated," and meant it. I was as effusive in my thanks for the donation of a single 25-pence can of tomato soup or bag of pasta, as I was for the donation of a £4 jar of coffee or box of tea bags. Still, I couldn't help but note that some of the biggest donations came from elderly people and others who didn't look like they had a lot of money, while some of the most well-turned-out shoppers completely blanked me. I also found it interesting how many people were keen that the food stay here in the UK, helping our residents, rather than being shipped out to feed people in other countries. There is a real sense that we have to take care of our own first, before helping others. I can't say I disagree, though I would like to believe we could help eradicate hunger globally if better systems were put in place.

Kids - My favourite donors were the parents who gave their children the food items to put in my trolley; a small act of giving plus the reward of positive feedback is a wonderful lesson for a child about values of generosity, sharing and caring. Additionally, a young teenage girl, who I hadn't stopped on her way in, handed me a bag of rice as she walked out with her sandwich lunch. One of my 7-year old art students quite excitedly brought me 3 cans of soup.

Bringing it home - Perhaps the greatest gift I both gave and received yesterday involved my own 12-year old daughter, who joined me at the end of my shift. Another fundraising activity was going on at the Customer Service desk behind me, so we donated a few pounds for her to have a henna tattoo painted on her arm, while I talked a young man on Work Experience with Sainsbury's through the approach to customers. Afterwards, we returned all of the food gifts which could not be accepted by FareShare and used our credit to purchase another 66 tins of food for the Million Meal Appeal, worth double that as Sainsbury's was matching customer donations. She has seen me budget carefully all year, making sometimes uncomfortable decisions about spending and saving for our own family. For once, this wasn't about us; it was about doing something for someone else for whom the discomfort could be going off to school in the morning hungry or not being able to stretch their weekly budget out to cover 7 days of nutritious meals for the whole family. She acknowledged that it was cool that I was willing to give my time for one day to help others, however "wierd" it may have seemed that Mum was wearing a Sainsbury's fleece (it was cold by that door!) and "cringe-y" that I was interacting with strangers. It proves my theory that talking about values is only worth so much; acting on them is where the real learning takes hold. So, next time, the kids are going to help too, because I didn't do anything yesterday that my children couldn't have done too.

Rewards - There are some people who don't think an act is truly generous if you are rewarded for having done it. I disagree entirely; the giver could have chosen not to give at all. Every one of yesterday's donors was rewarded with a smile, a thanks and a typically American "Have a great weekend." They deserved to feel good about their acts of kindness! I also made sure to thank the Sainsbury's employees who made the event run so well. After all, I was in their space all day and they supported me in every way. I also felt rewarded yesterday when I realized how much food had been donated as a result of my actions. I felt rewarded by the supportive comments I received from some of the donors, one of whom told me I was doing "a beautiful thing." Mostly, I felt good that I had taken myself out of my little world, with my various personal concerns, for one day and focussed on other people and what they need. When I expressed that positivity, there was a real buzz around us that visibly lifted everyone. That was all the thanks I needed.

How I'm getting on with my New Year's resolution, 2 weeks on

You may remember that a few weeks ago I gave you my top ten tips for success with your New Year's resolutions. Just in case you're wondering whether I applied that advice to my own life, I'm going to share with you how I'm getting on with one of my own resolution: weight loss. Over the past several years, I've gained and lost weight, but to be honest, during the past year all I've done is gain. I became really unhappy with the way I look and decided enough was enough. So; my number one resolution for 2011 is to shift some of that weight. I won't say how much, but let's just say I'll be on a diet for the next few months in order to lose the excess weight healthily and permanently.

Just to review for you, my tips (condensed here) were:

1. Start on your resolution a.s.a.p.;
2. Be as specific as possible;
3. Be as positive as possible;
4. Make your goal manageable;
5. Write your goal and revisit it daily;
6. Plan ahead;
7. Gather support;
8. Build in rewards;
9. If you slip, pick yourself right back up; and
10. Celebrate your success.

This is how I'm doing. I got stuck in a.s.a.p., just as I suggested in tip #1.  On January 3rd, fully disgusted with my post-Christmas body, I decided I had to begin a diet immediately! I couldn't wait another day to ask my friends what to do, buy a new book from the latest diet guru or attend a weight loss group. So, I decided on that morning to ban cookies, cake, cheese and alcohol and say no to second helpings at meals.

By the morning of the 5th, I felt like I was still in shock and knew I needed more structure if I wasn't to fail. To avoid procrastination, I went online and subscribed to WW Pro Points. I skipped the "science" and went straight to the tracker. By filling out my current weight and my goal, I fulfilled #2 and #5 on my list: being specific, writing out and re-visiting my written goal on a daily basis. By filling out the points tracker, which keeps track of what I am eating and its value on the WW plan, I fulfilled # 4 and #6, making the action plan manageable and planning ahead each meal, each day. The computer's in the kitchen, so I really have no excuses...it's a no-brainer.

You may notice that I have skipped #3, which is to make the goal a positive one. In my case, that is "I weigh XXX pounds as of ____ date. :)" Not, "I have to lose XX pounds. :(" But positive is an attitude and I'm afraid that during these past two weeks, my attitude has been less than positive on more than a few occasions. I have felt deprived. I have felt obsessed. I have felt fed up (no pun intended). Frankly, I have to look frequently at my post-it note with my positive goal written on it. I visualize myself at the goal weight, wearing something 3 sizes smaller that isn't designed to cover up bulges and bits.

Now that I have admitted my own frailty, I can move on to tip #7. Gathering support is one of the most important tools you can have in your kit.  My first move was to explain my goal to my husband and children and ask for their support. The children will have to get used to not having crisps and cakes in the house. My husband has agreed not to offer me second helpings. I am a hungry girl with an appetite that can match his most of the time. He gets up for seconds and invariably I say "oh, yes, go ahead, please." No more. I have also asked friends for support by going with me for weekly walks. Two have agreed. Planned ahead, these walks are good exercise, but also give me an opportunity to get empathy and recipes! My proviso to you...don't just expect support, be proactive and ask for it in exactly the form you need it. 

Rewards are essential, as per tip #8. I've decided to weigh myself only once a week, on the day assigned to me by my online weight tracker. I lost 2 pounds in Week One. It wasn't the 3 or 4 pounds I'd hoped to lose, and it doesn't show at all, so I will admit to some disappointment. However, not willing to let this get in my way, I rewarded myself with a bunch of tulips. The trick is not to reward myself with food, which is how I got to where I am now. I love colourful, fresh flowers on my desk, so it's the obvious choice for the weekly weight loss for me. I have in mind some new clothes and a spa day for the bigger milestones (20 lbs.) Think about how you would like to reward yourself for different levels of achievement in your New Year's resolutions.

So far, I haven't slipped off track, but if I did, I know that the trick for success is tip #9: to pick myself right back up and move forward. One portion of chips or dessert may slow down a week's weight loss, but shouldn't de-rail the entire plan. If I know we have a meal coming up which is less controllable because it's at a restaurant or someone else's house, I can save up points for a couple of days and use them on the night. Likewise, if I had too much bread or butter, or indulged a craving for chocolate one day, I could cut back on the extra points on the days following. The point is to not be defeatist and think "I'll NEVER succeed." You can, and you will, if you treat it as a blip that can be corrected and minimize the damage done.

Finally, tip #10 is to celebrate your success. I will have no problem doing that. I have big plans for when I finally achieve my total weight loss. I can see myself now, smiling, healthier, slimmer... 

Whatever your goals for 2011, you can use the same tips to help you structure your actions and achieve success.

Tips for managing those holiday celebrations: How NOT to be a party animal or a sitting duck

The other day, I wrote about playing my "if I won the lottery" game to help you decide what you really want to do during the festive season. While many would choose the escape-for-two, I am guessing that some of you couldn't figure out how to extricate yourself from the usual celebrations and perhaps a few of you really didn't want to be left out. Our job then, is to make sure you get through this month with your sanity, your dignity and your relationships intact.

Here are my tips for managing holiday events if you're sticking close to home:

The invitations - If you are trying to conceive, and being careful about pretty much everything you eat, drink, inhale and talk about, probably the last thing you want to be around is other people overindulging. So choose wisely. Keep reminding yourself that you have choices. If you dread an event to the extent that the anticipation is making you ill, even if it's your parents' Christmas dinner, opt out. It's not worth being a dutiful daughter at the expense of your health. If it's not all that bad and you do choose to go, you can still control how you participate and how long you stay.

• The Family Do - Arrive at your parents' or sibling's home just a few minutes before the planned sit-down meal. Keep busy in the intervening time with kisses, hugs and a flurry of gift-giving. Eat well and with many compliments to the various cooks, with lots of smiles, and help to clear the table. Straight after, make an excuse about why you have to leave AND GO. Giving your excuse too much in advance gives people time to argue with it and probe your reasons.
• The In-Laws' Family Do - Exclaim with joy about their wonderful son, your partner, who is so romantic, so generous, so thoughtful and considerate to   plan an intimate and special Christmas just for two! You'll be by early on to exchange gifts  (before any alcohol is passed), then whisked back to your cosy place, or a boutique hotel, for the meal. They can't criticize their amazing boy, can they?
• The Office Party - Unless this takes place during working hours, just beg off sick at the last minute. Office Christmas parties are renowned for being strewn with awkward encounters with people you wouldn't choose to socialize with out of work and faux pas you don't want to face up to the following week (not necessarily your own). Give it a miss. More people will be gossiping about who did attend than worrying about who didn't.
• The Cocktail Party - Whether it's old friends or the neighbors, it's no fun when you are the only one not drinking. That, and the loose talk that comes with alcohol, should keep you well away. If you don't want to say that you are trying to conceive, and you also don't want to seem standoff-ish, try saying you have dinner reservations but you will stop off on the way for a quick drink, then make sure it's sparkling water. Leave at the time you planned, with a big smile and lots of cheer. Either that, or agree in advance to watch each other's backs all night long, rescue each other from unwanted conversations and keep filling your glass with the non-alcoholic stuff so you are never put in an awkward situation of having to explain.
• New Year's Eve - It used to be so much fun, but so is a rom-com on DVD, the  living room illuminated with candles and sparkly bits, followed by a gorgeous midnight breakfast a deux. No one has to be the designated driver and there will be no hangover the next day.

It's our turn to have everyone to us for Christmas! - Actually, that can be a good thing.  Just take protective measures. One way to maintain some control of what goes on around you, of course, is to be the host(ess). Invite who you want to see and manage their expectations, and hopefully, their behaviour, by the type of invitations you issue.

Ideas and protective measures:

• Making a change to Boxing Day, so it's more active and less sofa-bound, could be a great diversion from your TTC status. Ask everyone to meet you  mid-afternoon at a local ice-skating rink, then invite them back for hot chocolate and cookies. Don't offer dinner, and eventually they will go home to eat Christmas leftovers.
• Instead of having a New Year's Eve party, invite people to a New Year's Day brunch instead. Serve breakfast-y food with pre-made Mimosas and plain juice in champagne glasses and coffee to people who overindulged the night before. Don't worry if your friends are beer drinkers or like something harder. You are in charge in your home. They can do as they please when they get home to their well-stocked liquor cabinet.
• If you are having a sit-down meal, put place cards at the table, ensuring that you don't have to sit at the same end as the tactless Aunt who always asks when you are going to have children, the sister-in-law who has just announced she's pregnant or or the cousin who gushes about her darling princess. Not that you have anything against them; it can just be hard to be around when you are lacking those very things.
• Your secret weapon could be someone in whom you confide beforehand, who agrees to step in and divert conversation whenever there is even a whiff of trouble. 

You decide what to discuss and what to keep private - Whether you are out at someone else's party or hosting your own, it's your decision how much to reveal about your plans, your challenges and your disappointments.  So, it's well worth deciding beforehand what you will say and agreeing it with your partner. There is little else more uncomfortable than being backed into a corner and lost for words.

I call this the surprise attack, even though it may be unintentionally hurtful. Some people may sincerely want to show they care, are thinking of you and want to help. While you may want to shout "it's none of your _________ business!" or cry, those are the two acts that will bring you the most unwanted attention. Write down some of your most feared questions and comments, then come up with answers that are acceptable to you and will firmly discourage further discussion. This second part could take some time, but it's worthwhile to be ready and equipped to deal with the situation.

Be prepared with a few remarks like these:

• "You'll be one of the first to know when there's something to tell," or "We have agreed to keep it quiet for the moment." Neither of these statements gives anything away at all, yet, they aren't offensive. 
• If you do decide to give out some information, you can limit further conversation by saying "I'm superstitious, so I don't want to jinx anything by talking about it. I'm sure you understand."
• If you run into someone at a party who saw you at the gynaecologist's office or fertility clinic, quietly say "I know I can trust you to keep what you know confidential."
• If someone doesn't get the point behind your words or behaviour and pushes a little too hard, try saying "I would really like to have a good time here tonight, but that depends upon not having to think or talk about certain things. I'd be so grateful for a little distraction. What have you been up to lately?"

Whatever you do, don't martyr yourself to the holidays. They are there to be enjoyed. If all you can anticipate is pain,  short-term coaching is the ideal tool for resolving that anxiety and easing those relationships. The goal is to find a resolution that allows you to join in and have some fun.

 

Your ovaries do not know that it's July/August: 8 Tips to get you through the summer

What is it about summer that makes everything slow down or grind to a halt? I have had quite a few people tell me that they want to put a new project "on hold," deal with a health issue later, change a date or sort out some problems.

I'm not the only one; several others have queried the same thing...canceled appointments, a laissez-faire attitude toward agendas, trying to get a hold of builders, decorators, doctors... The irony is that if you are self-employed, your clients drop out on you, but if you need someone who is self-employed, as above, you can't reach them. It seems everything can wait until September. Could it just be the unusually good weather we have been having so far this summer? Knock wood.

Who can't afford to procrastinate this summer?  Inevitably, it's those in the IF community. It's understandable that infertiles want or feel they need a break from trying to conceive. Time marches on, whatever the weather. It's understandable:

• If they have had a disappointing, difficult or grievous year, the summer represents relaxation; 
• If their marriage has seemed confusing, strained or argumentative, summer gives them opportunities to find each other again; and
• If they are not sure what to do about a procedure, their doctor's summer vacation plans can be the deciding factor.

There are two reasons why you (especially if you are 35 or older) might want to go ahead with the fertility treatment you need, on schedule.

1. Your ovaries do not know that it's July/August; and
2. You will have lost 2 cycles and could regret it in the fall, when life/work will be busier.

Here are eight tips that could make a difference in how you enjoy and employ summer to work for you, even while going through your fertility regimen:

• Nutrition and Weight - Summer is a great time for making positive changes in your food. Lighter meals can make use of the freshest fruit and vegetables, meats and fish can be cooked on the bbq to reduce fat and there are free, healthy, summer recipes available on give-away cards in the supermarkets. Choose refreshing treats that are low fat/low processed sugar, so you don't feel left out of the group at meals and parties: watermelon, fat-free frozen yogurt, homemade lemonade, brewed iced tea, etc..
• Exercise - If you like going to a gym, keep it up. At least they are air-conditioned.  If you would rather be outside, you and your partner can spend some quality time together and be supportive of each other on a pre-mapped walking route, going for a swim or playing tennis. Dancing counts as exercise too, so see if there is a salsa class nearby. It's quite sexy.
• Job stress - If you want to make the most of summer days, change your routine. Change your arrival and departure times at work to allow you to fit in your visits to the clinic and some down-time. Create a more relaxed environment in which to work.  Meetings can be held outside, or if that's not possible, lunch on the patio to relax and promote good working relationships before the meeting inside.
• Relationship - Everything looks better with a little sunshine on it. If the two of you have been starving your relationship of fun, enthusiasm, intimacy, laughter and the friendship you thrive on, take it outdoors. Find outdoor entertainment, meet up with friends at sidewalk cafes, visit weekend-morning garage sales or flea markets, re-introduce spontaneity and put some effort into it.
• Finances - If fertility treatment is bleeding you dry financially, you could feel depressed or resentful. You deserve some time away! Instead of the 1 or 2 weeks you would like, pick 2 separate nights that you can go away this summer. Use sites like lastminute.com to get the best deal at a location which requires little travel. Take off after work, check in and relax, then go out for dinner, a walk, a film, people-watching, etc... Even better, book a hotel that has a spa where you can have a couples massage. When you go home, your re-entry into home life is smoothed by the knowledge that you have another night coming soon. 
• Mental space - If your concern is how mentally tired you feel, consider how difficult it would be to sustain a self-imposed ban on thinking or talking about your fertility treatment during your summer off. Instead, plan a wordless day in the week and ask your friends and family to respect it. Other effective ways to clear your head without stripping your bank account: anything that requires focused attention, like painting, sewing, sport, gardening, sudoku, etc. Set a small goal and finish it within the time allotted. You won't be over-thinking your issues while you are concentrating on what you are doing.
• Friendships - It can be really painful to be with your friends who already have children, and children are always present during the summer. At the same time, you don't want to not be invited. Take the lead and tell your friends that for this period of time, you would like to be given the choice of going, or not. Ask them not to be offended if you choose to stay away...just a bad day. It's also a good idea, if you can handle it, to go ahead to a family day out, reserving the option of leaving early. It builds resilience; give yourself points for every minute that you stay. Watch the kids and think "I'm going to have that one day too."
• Motivation and self-confidence - Self-talk can be positive or negative. Whichever you use is what you will have. Negative self-talk will get you nowhere good and can be quite self-destructive if you begin to believe it. If you desperately need to take a break from fertility treatment this summer, talk to your doctor about how you feel and ask his opinion of whether it could set you back and how much.  If your need has more to do with that tempting summer feeling, consider doing a simple exercise: Write down your negative self-talk and then rewrite it so that it reads like a positive, but realistic, script of your summer. Then, when you have been sufficiently motivated, get out there and live it. Keep your eye on the goal and have your fun too.

Whether you decide to take that break from trying to conceive over the summer or not, these tips can help you get through the unexpected bumps in the road. It's all about keeping all the different aspects of your life balanced, your thoughts positive, your priorities true and your plans flexible.

Delicious Fund-Raising Idea for Your Favourite Charity

I had a flash of brilliance this morning!

I was looking at the surplus of chocolate in our house, though probably less than most, wondering how to keep out of it. The children are obsessed with it, sneaking glances at each other's stash and breaking off bits when my back is turned. If anyone had asked, I would have hinted for quality over quantity, but the kids are a different story. I'm in the kitchen, trying not to have chocolate for breakfast with my coffeeand suddenly the thought expanded to include all my friends who complain bitterly about the temptation. Before it got to global proportions, a simple idea hit me. 

If people gave all of their unwanted, wrapped or boxed chocolates and we re-sorted them into beautiful, Large and Extra-Large cellophane bundles, we could auction them off and donate the proceeds to a charity. An auction could be set up quickly, either locally or online, where each bundle would be displayed and put on individual lists that run until a pre-set End date and time.  Whoever is the highest bidder on each bundle at the end, would receive it in exchange for the amount they had bid. 

Receive, Give, Benefit:

• The benefit to the bidder: lots of yummy chocolate;
• The benefit to the auction organizers: giving away chocolate that they didn't have to buy themselves, therefore reducing their overhead to a minimum;
• The benefit to the charity: receipt of donated funds without depleting their own resources; and
• The benefit to the chocolate donors: avoiding sugar highs and expanding waistlines.

Everyone wins.

Have all of the pretty, shiny bundles of chocolate displayed for the agreed period of the silent auction, with a separate list for of each one. Everyone interested can see who has previously bid and how much; get a little healthy competition going.  I've come up with a few ways to make it more exciting. 

1. Identify your target market: children, shoppers, commuters, employees, event visitors, club members, convention delegates, theatre go-ers or the general public. Choose a venue and length of auction that works best for your target market. Then, arrange with the venue's management to "host" you.
2. If there is a publicized event  already organized, that you can attach yourself to, such as a boot sale, school or church fete, start and end in one day.
3. You could use a safe, but high traffic, place to display them for a week, such as the lobby of your fitness club or corporate offices, even if you had to lock them up each night.
4. Display a photo and description of each numbered bundle on your blog and invite visitors to bid on them in the comment section.
5. Use transparent, coloured cellopane to bundle most of the chocolate. Choose  just a few bundles to package in opaque wrappers (wrap in paper first, before bundling in coloured cellopane), making those into a "blind" auction.
6. If you are in a relatively public location, where people can gather to watch, hold a chocolate-bundle raffle every hour. Get your team to wander around with rolls of raffle tickets, selling them for a nominal amount, perhaps 50 pence or £1, and give away something worth at least 10 X the ticket price.  Announce the winner while the crowd is in front of you, to feed off of their interest.
7. Alternatively, set a precise time to announce all winners (auction and raffle) at the end of an event. Have a member of the charity on hand to accept a donation. Ask a local journalist to be on hand with a photographer.
8. If you hold your event near the entrance of a supermarket, ask management to announce your auction/raffle over their Tannoy every once in a while.
9. Ask your local shops to donate all their extra Easter chocolates to your cause with imminent "Use By" dates.
10. Fill a large glass jar with mini-eggs and other small, wrapped chocolates and let people guess how many are in it, for a £1. Announce the winner at the end of the day and give them the contents.

I know that it might seem late in the day to set up a fund-raising event quickly enough to capitalize on today's Easter chocolates, however, it can be done if you choose one idea above and put out a little energy. If you look around your community and identify a likely venue or event, go for it. Don't complicate it with overthinking it. Just do it. You only need a small team of enthusiastic people, a press release, some posters and cellophane. It's the term break this week, with lots of kids around and parents off work.  Perhaps you can get your own kids involved in wrapping bundles.

Please Tweet this and add your ideas or opinions in the Comment section below.

The Implications of Obesity in Pregnancy and Its Costs

The implications of obesity as it relates to pregnancy and childbirth are many. Obese women may have health issues that predate conception, such as having a greater chance of high blood pressure and heart attack.  BBC News has reported today the findings of the Centre for Maternal and Child Enquiries (CMACE) that obese women are under-served by the NHS hospital ante-natal and maternity units. 

Obesity is the next step up on Body Mass Index (BMI) charts from "overweight,"  having a score of 30 - 32; morbidly obese at 33 and upward. Once pregnant, an obese woman present a higher than average health risk to herself and to her fetus, including gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia and stillbirths.  However, there are financial implications too, as they require hospitals to cater to special needs, including extra-wide operating tables, beds and staff on hand. According to CMACE findings, only half of the 320 units examined regularly assessed the extra support and services and equipment an obese woman may need.

Obesity is a growing health problem in the UK, as 20% of pregnant women are said to be obese.  This brings up the issue of self-determination, confused by the right and ability of a national health service to control their use of public funds. 

• Is obesity a personal issue or a nation-wide trend?
• Is obesity so common now that it is considered a medical condition?
• Can the NHS effectively turn the trend around by stepping up and offering more information, guidance and treatment for obesity beginning in adolescence?
• Would earlier monitoring and treatment, as above, be more cost-effective than special treatment for obese women in pregnancy?
• Assuming that a pregnant woman has the right to be treated for maternity under the NHS regardless of her size and weight, could she be simultaneously required to enroll in a nutritional and fitness program in order to lose some of the weight?
• Should the onus of responsibility for a woman's pregnancy health rest with her, her GP or the Ante-Natal supervisory team at the hospital? By two of these, or all three?

Obesity is not a new issue, relative to maternity. In January, I wrote about guidelines suggested by the  European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) that would have fertility clinics turning down obese women for IVF if they refused to make positive lifestyle choices in regard to weight (also alcohol and cigarette smoking).  This topic didn't seem to get much press attention or many comments on social media like Twitter, or on my blog.  However, combined with the CMACE findings, it presents a picture of obesity in the female population of the UK and far-reaching effects: 

• Elevated levels of childhood obesity, due to overeating and under-exercising;
• eating as a lifestyle choice (social gathering, entertainment, boredom), rather than from a nutritional perspective;
• earlier onset of menstruation than in previous generations;
• a lack of education, during adolescence and young adulthood on the health benefits of achieving a weight in the "normal" BMI range;
• higher-than-ideal weight beginning in young adulthood due to poor eating habits;
• a fast-food culture that has overtaken family meals around the breakfast or dinner table;
• ignorance of the detrimental effects obesity could have on them and their baby;
• inadequate supervision of a woman's weight gain during pregnancy (It's been many years, however, I distinctly remember asking why I wasn't weighed in the ante-natal clinic. I was told it was no longer policy to weigh pregnant women after the first intake.);
• Inadequate measures and/or equipment in hospital to cope with problems related to a pregnant woman's obesity; and
• no follow-up with a woman after her baby's birth to ensure that she lose that extra weight before trying to conceive again.

In a country that does not have a national health service, it would be almost, if not totally, impossible to create a nationwide scheme to reverse the ever-growing trend toward obesity. Since the UK is under that system, it seems like new measures should be put in place now.  We know that the onset of menstruation is linked to a girl's weight. A girl needs to have reached what is called the critical weight, approximately 45kg (101 pounds), before menstruating begins. Girls who are moderately obese, start menstruating earlier.  That mothers are on alert these days for their daughter's first period, beginning at age 9/10 (School Year 5 in the UK), is indicative of the average girl's weight reaching 45kg earlier in her life. 

Were GP surgeries to provide girls of age 8 or 9 years and their mothers with access to workshops, leaflets of information about their bodies and imminent changes they will experience,  suggestions of healthy weight ranges, a balanced diet and the benefits of exercise, it could reduce the number of girls entering teen years and obesity simultaneously.

It's not such a radical idea. We already get reminders from the local Health Authority of the vaccinations that are directed specifically to higher than average incidents of particular diseases in a particular area.  If cost is the issue (and when isn't it?), I have a few thoughts:

1. institute the program through the health visitor scheme, inviting every girl in the patient database in for a group talk every year or two;
2. send trained health workers into primary and secondary schools, rather than using the teachers; and
3. perhaps most radical:

• when a female patient notifies her GP of her pregnancy, she should be weighed at the surgery. 
• Her ante-natal care should then include a nutritional plan appropriate to both her BMI and her pregnancy and help with implementing it.
• Supervision - If she is weighed at every ante-natal appointment, someone at the surgery can help her keep her weight gain to a minimum.
• She should be offered some sort of behavioural therapy, whether CBT, NLP or other coaching or counseling help.
• The GP should then notify the hospital ante-natal department of the need for special measures as applicable.

Even a small, positive change could make a difference within the generation of women who are of child-bearing age right now, but certainly within the generation of girls being born now.

Drink, Smoke or Overeat and You May Be Refused Fertility Treatment

Conceive Online carried an article by Medical News Today, 25/01/10, asking whether women who are obese, smoke or drink alcohol should be entitled to fertility treatment. It reported that the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) had done a study of the effect of these lifestyle habits on conception, pregnancy and the life of the child.  

When women drink alcohol while trying to conceive, and/or during pregnancy;

• they have less chance of conceiving, and
• if they do become pregnant; there are higher miscarriage rates. 
• There may be slower development of the foetus in the womb,
• premature delivery and even foetal death.
• Children can be born with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, manifested in physical anamolies and behavioural and cognitive difficulties.

Smoking:

• can reduce a woman's ability to conceive, perhaps by 50%. 
• Her eggs may be depleted more quickly, and
• if a smoker does become pregnant she has a higher risk of miscarriage. 
• Children born to a smoker may have a lower birth weight, cleft palate and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Women and Weight: a sensitive subject.  Body Mass Index (BMI) charts assign the term "overweight" to women who score 25 - 29.9, "obese" 30 - 32 and morbidly obese at 33 and upward.  These numbers are approximate and variable. Risks include:

• Abnormal menstruation cycles and reduced chance of conceiving. (Weight loss raises the chance of conception in obese women.)
• Overweight women who do become pregnant have double the risk  gestational diabetes, and
• morbidly obese women (Body Mass Index of 33 and above) have eight times the risk. Their babies are at risk for neural and heart abnormalities. 

There is a clear implication that these are lifestyle choices which should counter access to assisted reproduction. In the case of alcohol consumption, ESHRE recommended that fertility doctors refuse treatment to women who drink moderately and are unwilling or unable to give it up.  They were less definitive in regard to smoking and obesity, but it seems that this Task Force on Ethics and Law is saying that women who make bad decisions about their health can be judged unfit or even undeserving of access to fertility treatment.  They recommend that doctors consider:

• the cost-effectiveness of fertility treatment for someone with reduced chance of success,
• obstetric risks,
• the respect for patient autonomy,
• the interests of society and
• the risk of serious harm to the future child.

In other words, balance the woman's right to live as she likes with a doctor's right to refuse treatment to someone who doesn't take care of her health. 

"The interests of society."  Whatever could they mean?  Is it anti-social to be a fat mother?  How fat?  If a woman is overweight but otherwise healthy, is BMI the only indicator that may keep her from getting access to fertility treatment?   I'm slightly afraid that there could be a moral judgement that women who overeat are guilty of the sin of gluttony and don't deserve to have children?  Judging fat people is sometimes the thin person's guilty pleasure.  By whose standards do they make that decision? Is it on a case by case basis, or all women 30 (40 or 50) pounds overweight?

How much alcohol does a woman have to drink before she is considered to be a danger to herself and her future child?  The article speaks of "more than moderate drinking," but I don't know what that means. Are they talking about a drink per day, a few units per week or a glass of something on a Saturday night?  My own specialist said that if a single glass of red wine every night made me feel relaxed and happy, he had no problem with that.  I travelled through France while pregnant, refusing cured meats, unpasteurized cheeses, foie gras, espresso and most shellfish, (that's another story) but sipping my "allowed" glass of wine.  Others warn women not to drink at all. Maybe I'm being picky.  These are only recommendations, after all.

It's easy to stand as an example of moral superiority when you don't indulge in one of these lifestyle choices. I don't smoke. I hate when others around me are smoking; the smell, the smoke, how it can ruin my otherwise lovely meal out, the potential of lung cancer, etc... Both the politically "correct" part of me and my conscience think that

1. if a woman is stupid enough to reduce her chance of getting pregnant for a daily pack of fags, she only has herself to blame, and
2. she has no right to bring a baby into the world with preventable conditions that could have negative impact on that child's health and life. 

On balance, while I believe that parenting may be fundamental to a woman's happiness ( I didn't say every woman)and even to the meaningfulness of her existence on Earth, I don't believe it is an absolute right.  If she conceives naturally, then she takes her chances with her child's health.  However, if she hasn't been able to conceive naturally, is she entitled to assisted reproduction?  Not necessarily. If she wants the NHS or her health insurance to pay her way, then she may have to fulfil their criteria. If she is paying her own way but the doctor of her choice uses ethical guidelines handed out by the ESHRE Task Force or by his/her own ethics to refuse her, she can try another doctor. It's medicine, but it's also a transaction between two parties.  To me, it's just the same as if a plastic surgeon turns away a patient who refuses to stop using sun beds.

What do you think?  Please leave a comment.  It would mean a lot to me to hear your views on this subject. 

Christmas on a Very Tight Budget

Before I even start writing anything else, let me say up front that we are Jewish and have recently celebrated Chanukah with family and friends. Marriage to Brian and living in England meant embracing Christmas. Pretty much everyone in England, including Christians, Jews, Sikhs, Hindus, etc..., seems to celebrate Christmas, so I have now had 14 of them.  I think it's because of Boxing Day, on the 26th. When everything is closed on Christmas Day and it's a 2-day public holiday, what are non-Christians supposed to do? Well, here they make a turkey dinner and exchange gifts. It's one more day in the year to be with family.  I put tiny white flickering lights around the front door to look cheerful and welcoming, but I draw the line at a tree.

This has been a difficult two years, financially speaking, for many people and we are no exception.  It's been our most difficult year ever.  We have halved our Christmas budget, which has brought out the bargain-seeker in me, even more than usually. An August shopping trip to a NJ Target was essential, but even then we spent less than in previous years. Every gift for the "outer layer" of family, including a boyfriend, a fiancee and a lodger, has been carefully chosen and all came under my self-imposed budget of £8 ($12, give or take) each. Thank GD for TK Maxx.  Each of my children are getting one big gift from Mummy and Daddy; which this year is a CD/Radio for the 6 y/o and a fake fur throw in blue (nicer than it sounds, believe me) for the 10 y/o, who is very tactile.  Everything else can fit in a stocking.

Worrying that my kids might be disappointed,I have spent the last month trying to cool down their usual overheated fervor in the run-up to Christmas.  In September, Honey started leaving little notes on my pillow about what she might want for her October birthday.  Then, when she realized that we were being "careful," I got a note or two about how if those gifts were too much to ask for her birthday, we could spread some to Chanukah/Christmas instead. Fat chance, darling girl.  Pip, at 6, is both less subtle and less polite about his desires.  "I'm going to get the Launch Pad, figures, weapons and gameboard from ... "  He really wants to believe in Santa, so I have dropped hints about the recession hitting the North Pole too.  Honey has agreed to play along. I think it's because she still wants a stocking.  She is not too old to compare whose pile is bigger.  She advised me to get an extra roll of Christmas wrapping paper to be used just for Santa gifts so that Pip wouldn't catch on.

So, it's ironic that, just after pulling together all those bargains, our TV packed up. It's been a week now.  My husband wanted to go out and get a new one right away, but in an unexpected role reversal, I am playing Scrooge. (I'm the fan of electronic media and have been aching for an I-Phone, a new computer, a new camera...)  Not only might we find a TV in the sales the day after Christmas, but also, I decided that it isn't the worst thing in the world to not have TV and DVDs for a short time. We have been doing arts & crafts, tidying the house, having friends sleep over and playing games. Don't get me wrong. I like TV as much as the next person and I have missed it. It's just that, it's an expense we did not need. Oh well. My daughter's eyes lit up when a new TV was mentioned..."a flat screen!  a bigger screen! Now, maybe we can get a WIII!"  Whoa, no one said anything about a WIII.

It's going to be an interesting Christmas. It's just the four of us this year.  It was lovely when our children and their cousins could celebrate and play together.  However, I remember years when I had anywhere from 12 to 33 here for the day in a small, English cottage.  It took two days up front to get the house ready, grocery shop and cook and another two to finish the leftovers, clean the house again, and stop the ringing in my ears.  I also remember spending nearly £300 on food, decorations, candles for each table, and gifts for visitors. This year we have no one else to please. We may stay in our pyjamas or sweats, hang out on my squishy bed pillows and open three times as many Christmas crackers than usual.  I can browse the blogs.  Everyone will get to eat what they want, or not, as is often the case with my kids. Honey chose profiteroles for dessert tomorrow and I baked a chocolate cake for Boxing Day, rather than the traditional fruitcake & flaming Christmas pudding. Actually, now that I think about it, Christmas on a tight budget may not be too bad. It will be a case of less is more. I'm looking forward to it.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and everything you need to make your great life.

Lisa

Special Gifts for the Infertile Woman in Your Life

Let's say that you are playing Santa for the infertile woman in your life: wife, girlfriend, daughter, niece, sister, cousin, granddaughter, colleague, neighbor or friend.  The one gift she wants; a baby, eludes her. While well-meaning, the sympathetic Christmas card is a downer. Think about it: telling her you "know that 2010 will be a better year and how you are sure they will have better luck, so put 2009 behind you...yata-yata-yata," focuses on the negative aspect of the preceding year.  Instead, think about whay you can do to lift her spirits, make her laugh or even better, completely forget about her infertility even if just for a brief time.  I put forth the following suggestions:

1.  For rejuvenation and indulgence - A weekend at an adults-only resort/spa

2.  For an injection of sarcastic humor - Make her a tongue-in-cheek fridge magnet that says "If I'm acting bitchy or psychotic, don't take it personally. My Clomid doesn't play favorites."

3.  To renew her connection to her femininity - A negligee in the best 40's film sense of the word; slim, silky and ultra-sensual.

4.  To laugh out loud whether she is alone or with girlfriends - A slew of feel-good romantic comedies on DVD

5.  For sleepless nights or rainy days - An armload of women's monthly and weekly magazines. There's nothing like mindless gossip, perfume inserts, recipes and empowering "you go, girl!" articles to clear away the cobwebs.

6.  To validate an excuse, whisk her away -  ("oh, we're not here...what a shame") for sending regrets to baby shower, christening and children's birthday party invitations.

7. To remind her she deserves and needs to feel good - Book her a facial, makeover and personal shopper at her favorite, high-end department store.

8.  To make her feel just like everyone else - a dinner or party menu that doesn't include anything she is avoiding while trying to conceive. 

9.  To swiftly change the conversation at Christmas, Boxing Day or New Year's Eve - "Why don't we play charades or pictionary?"  Even if guests groan and nix that idea, it causes a diversion.

10.  To bring on a thrill - A gift certificate to the local ice rink, indoor rock climbing place or ski slopes.

11.  To renew your romance - An old-style date to the theater or concert hall with a late dinner after.

12.  To bring back her confidence in her body - 3 months with a personal trainer.

13.  For quiet reassurance - An engraved talisman she can hold, rub and keep close.

14.  For her aesthetic pleasure - A bouquet of happy flowers: yellow, pink or red tulips, scented freesia, abundant peonies, joyful poppies, or whatever appeals to her.

15.  To reconnect her to the blessings in her life, including you - A Gratitude Journal with a bookmark on which you have written about how lucky she is to have you, exaggerated enough to make her smile every time she reads it.

16.  For when she wants to escape for an hour - A Starbucks, or other cafe gift card

17.  To keep her in touch with everyone who matters - Pay the monthly service charges for a great calling plan.

18.  To give her back a sense of control - A directory of complementary therapists in her area (accupuncture, massage, chiropractic care, osteopathy, nutritionist, hypnotherapy, yoga, etc...).

19.  To relieve her from shopping among countless strollers, toddlers and expectant mothers - Put her name on the mailing lists of the best companies with catalogues.

20.  For emotional wellbeing, achieving focus and effective strategizing - A gift certificate for confidential sessions with a fertility coach like me. (It would be insincere and coy for me to leave this off the list when I know I can help.)

I hope that this has given you some worthwhile ideas, even if they have just led you to somethng else more specifically focused on the infertile woman in your life. The holidays can be a time of reflection, celebration or vacation from the challenges we face all year round. You can help her get through it in the best way possible.