your great life

End-of-summer news

Temperatures in England are cooling, everyone is returning from their summer holidays and there is a September mood of "let's get down to business" in the air.  Here's a little of what's in the news this week:

• I have a new, light-filled, private and cosy office in my garden which will be ready later in September for client sessions. I look forward to sharing it with you as soon as possible.
• Beyonce's having a baby!  The 30-year old global star, who totally rocked Glastonbury in June this year, has proudly announced her pregnancy.  It's so nice to hear some good news directly from the source, rather than the gossip magazines. I'm wishing her good health, happiness and an easy birth.
• Too posh to push? NHS North Yorkshire and York has banned elective caesarean sections on the basis that it costs twice as much (L 2,539) as a natural birth (L 1,324)and poses higher risks for mother and baby.  Currently, 1/4 of British births are by C-section. 
• Pre-implantation genetic diagnosis allows screening of embryos for genetic disorders.  One London couple, Jay and Ami Bharvada, went through 4 cycles of IVF to find an embryo that was both free of Wiskott-Aldrich syndrome, a rare genetic disorder, and a tissue match to their son Jivan who is afflicted by the disease.  Untreated, the boy would probably not live past age 10.  Eventually, the couple had a daughter through IVF whose umbilical cord will contribute stem cells vital to their son's recovery. She will then provide further life-saving aid through a bone marrow donation to her brother.  Now, the couple says that they will go ahead and give life to the remaining frozen embryos once their son's health improves.  Their religion, Jainism, has guided them in their decision not to destroy the surplus embryos.  They have launched a charity to raise awareness of storing stem cells from the umbilical cord and donating bone marrow:  Chance to Live.

Do you have fears concerning a vaginal birth that you would like to conquer?

Are you faced with a huge decision about fertility treatment, storing or discarding frozen embryos?

For information about how coaching and EFT can help you, email me directly: [email protected].

Nine "What Ifs" of Mine

I came upon the Project IF too late in the month to participate.  Resolve and Melissa Ford of Stirrup-Queen fame launched Project If to bring attention to and coincide with National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) from April 14 - 21, 2010. The idea was to name the What Ifs of infertility that, in Melissa's words; "keep knocking around inside your heart, keeping you awake at night, and allow the larger community to commiserate, empathize and carry your burden by reading your words." Over 400 people posted a What If by the deadline of April 16th.  While too late to submit mine to the Project, I have decided to put my What Ifs out anyway. So here we go.

I want to say beforehand that my Ifs don't keep me awake at night anymore, and I don't need anyone to commiserate with me (to express sympathy) or to "carry my burden," but I'll go with empathy if you like.

1. What If I had been informed at an earlier time and younger age, that women are born with the full supply of eggs that they will have for a lifetime?
2. What If, the doctors I consulted in my 20's about my two-week menstrual cycle (yes, twice a month) had actually treated me for it, instead of dismissing it, over a period of approximately 7 years? Would I have had enough good quality eggs left, when I began trying to conceive at 36 years old, to not experience recurrent miscarriage and secondary infertility?
3. What If I had been living in the United States, rather than in the U.K., during my first 3 miscarriages? Would a doctor have tested me and the foetus from the first pregnancy and diagnosed the problem?
4. What If I had known that I was pregnant that first time, when I had several spa treatments while on vacation, that my pregnant sister-in-law was not allowed to have?
5. What If my IVF cycle had been successful? Would I not have my bright, beautiful, funny, socially confident, physically cautious son who was conceived naturally 3 months later?
6. What If I had had a fertility coach of my own when we were going through this awful period in our marriage and our life? Would we have coped with our emotions and communicated better than we did?
7. What If I had been given a medical explanation for my recurrent miscarriages?  Would I still have wondered why God didn't want me to have a baby; be a mother?  Would I not have lost my belief in God back then?
8. What If I had not heard Michael J. Fox's quote on being diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease ; "People always ask me if I say to myself 'Why Me?' and I tell them, 'Why not me?"' Would I still be feeling sorry for myself, as if the infertility chose me personally?
9. What If I had never been plagued with miscarriage and infertility? Would I have ever experienced the interest, knowledge and certainty that I can help people through these crises, lightening their burden and allowing them to discover the strength inside them and change some of their beliefs about what parenting means?

I'm stopping there, even though there isn't a tidy, round number of What Ifs? I may think of more after this, or wonder what made me write one of these nine, but there will always be thoughts like that.  I just want to make a few things clear: these are thoughts and not regrets or complaints. I have the family I want and love. I have the first work/life balance that fulfils me and which I can do 7 days a week and far into the night, without being bored or resentful of it.  I have a few scars, but I am a survivor; more resilient, compassionate and dedicated to something outside myself my work as a fertility coach and writer, than before.

My present life began with the birth of my daughter and was set on its course with the birth of my son. All is as it should be now.

Craig's List For Jewish Egg Donors

I continue to be surprised when a Craig List's "job shoot" in my Twitter inbox advertises for egg donors. It really is confirmation that what was once private is now a business transaction. 

This morning, on my Twitter timeline, I saw this ad:

JEWISH EGG DONOR NEEDED BY LOVING JEWISH COUPLE $20,000+not an agency

In Judaism the religious/ethnic line passes through the woman.  so, this unnamed couple has the criteria that the biological mother (the egg donor) must be Jewish and a preference that her biological father was also Jewish.  Other criteria include

• age,
• height,
• warm and caring personality,
• motivated and passionate,
• high self esteem
• highly intelligent (with tests to prove it: please include scores!)
• attractive
• a healthy body weight,
• non-smoker and drug free, and
• genetic disease free

Wow! All I can say to that is that they obviously know what they want.  Specific criteria gets you a narrower field of "job"applicants, but also may catch the eye of someone who fits them.

I actually need to process this before I say how I feel about it. Yes, it's great that this couple is being proactive in searching for assistance with their infertility. Yes, it makes Craig's List an additional resource for fertility patients and potential donors. The infertile couple has written the notice in a sincere and straightforward way.  However, it seems somewhat wrong...perhaps not ethically, but in poor taste.  Maybe I have been in England too long, where they do not allow egg donation to be compensated monetarily.  I'm not necessarily against it...the payment aspect of it. If that is the way to ensure that childless couples can become parents, fine. It's the advertisement, in such a transactional way, they may as well call themselves Hire-An-Egg.